Reckless Exaggeration

Hazen: WOW look at that amazing man. He’s sitting in an bad ass car and smoking a cigar.
Alex: Hazen thats just some guy sitting in a convertable smoking a ciggerette.
Hazen: WOW now he's drinking out of a possible flask!!!
Alex: Hazen thats deff just a coffee cup.
Hazen:AHHHHHHHHHH. I COULDN'T TELL OK
Fischer: LOOK AT HIS MONOCLE AND HE HAS A BIG CHETTAH IN THE SEAT NEXT TO HIM!!!!!!!!!
Hazen: Shut up i couldn't tell...AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

Strength of Hand

Hazen: I have strong hands, I grew up pulling weeds.

Hazen QOTD

Alex: Oh my god its so warm in here.
Hazen: Its like a toasty cottage.


Hazen: Just for girls ( referring to Justice for Girls)...LIKE MY FIST.

I don't really know what happened here. Hazen started praising satan and hardcore dancing completely out of the blue.

Conversations with Hazen

Me: "I watched Rocky Horror Picture Show last night. I love that movie."

Hazen: "I didn't like that movie so much."

Me: "Oh. Well it's one of my favorites."

Hazen: "Was that the one with the russian? I liked the first one better."

Me: I think you're talking about the Rocky movies."

Both: "AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH."

Hazen Being Happy

Hazen in Action

Some sweet hazen action shots

Hazen QOTD

• "I don't give a shit about my cock, I had like a steel .... if I stabbed someone they die"
• "I will burn you like the witches of old"
• "When I get my car I'm going to put bull horns on the front to gore people...like actual horns"

So much passion!

One of Hazen's favorite topics of discussion is rape.
He brings it up probably everyday, in some form or another. Whether he's threatening to rape someone's child, expressing a desire to rape a certain lady, or telling us what might drive him to rape someone - and it sometimes it gets detailed.

"First, I'll rape her with my penis, then with a brick! She'll be scarred emotionally AND physically!"

First curb stomping Nazis, now this. Who knows what's next!

But...your a vegitarian.

On a bike ride through downtown Orlando


Hazen: AHHHHHHHHHH

Lindsey: Hazen, will you serenade me with your songs?
me: giggly laughter at the thought of hazen singing 


Hazen: But...But... aren't you  a vegetarian? You don't eat meat? My dad cooks mead so good.

Me/Lindsey: Hazen, what are you talking about

Hazen: You know serenade? like what you do to meat before you cook it, but i guess you could do that to veggies

Me: You mean MARINADE?

Hazen: AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

CURB STOMP

Although there are some of us (....cough cough david) who think Hazen's curb stomping isn't real, the rest of us know that Hazen is a cold blooded curb stomper and COULD hurt a fly.
What happened was
1.) Hazen was waking home
2.) nazi skins jumped out of a pick-up
3.) Threatened to beat Hazen and a kitten to death if Hazen didn't kiss their boots
4.) Hazen beat the shit out of them
5.)  (except with no gun and outside and with hazen and nazis)
6.) Hazen rescues the kitten
7.) Nazis die
8.)

Hazen's Bad Boy Image

We all know Hazen here. We all know what a swell guy he is, and how he couldn't hurt a fly or a tick or whatever. The thing is, not everyone knows that. To a stranger, Hazen could look pretty intimidating, borderline scary. He's got piercing eyes, the punkest mullet I've ever seen, bulging muscles from years of sparing and beating people's ass, etc. I don't really have a reason for writing this other than the fact that Iv'e heard actual rumors (from people who don't know him) that Hazen curb-stomped someone. I just thought that was funny, that's all.

AAAAAAAAA

"AAAAAAAAA" This is Hazen's response to anything that he dislikes even mildly. When on bikes, if Hazen sees someone who looks at him he yells. On chat if you say something he is confused by/disagrees with he yells. If hazen is hungry/thirsty he yells.

Does it make sense?...NO

Is it annoying?...NEVER (well maybe sometimes)

Is it amazing?...ALWAYS

The Man, The Myth, The Legend, The The

-Has a father (involved in international espionage)

-Has hair (interested in weaving feathers into it)

-Has hands (has beaten someone you know up with said hands)

-Is Hazen

-Is Punk?

-Is Friend?

-Is thinker/philosopher?

-Is god?

-Is?

-I?

-?

Hazens Hair

Hazen is a big fan of changing the way his hair looks (not always for the better). When I first met hazen he had hair like this (in the red)then it wasn't winter anymore and he decided that the extra layer was no longer needed and made me give him a mohawk. But not any mohawk, one with hacitic jew curls on the sides...it was glorious.Then he decided to get rid of the sideburns (sad face) and now he just has a regular mohawk...But probably not for long

Hazen

This is Hazen. He is a wonderful person who says and does hilariously irrational things.